Some things die hard.


So here I am trying very hard to not care too much what others think of me…. I envy those who are able to dance to the beat of their own drum and enjoy it regardless of what others think of their dance. 

My whole life I have lived in a way to please others. I wanted to be sure that everyone was happy, and that everyone was happy with me. In my mind’s eye who could be any better than a person who is self sacrificing… the ultimate humble! Right? Wrong. It took me this long to figure out that this isn’t humble at all, but a method of dealing with self esteem issues and lack of confidence in myself to know that I am worth knowing who I am, as I am.

It took me this long to get that this cycle of madness was only hurting me, and others because it actually involves a lot of dishonesty. Sometimes no is really a better answer, even if it isn’t the popular one. 

So here I am this morning, wondering if certain people are upset with me. The crazy part is that there should be no reason for them to be. Just this silly fear that pops up, and tormenting thoughts of “you’re just not good enough”. I guess I’m blogging about it as a means to ease the pressure a bit on myself… so that I can remind myself in a way that I can see… that I am ok. Those who love me, love me… those who don’t … well WTF is wrong with you? LOL.   Seriously, those who don’t… don’t. 

*Deep breathe* ok on to my day ….heart